Solitude

Nothing else matters, I don't care what I miss
Company's okay; solitude is bliss
There's a party in my head and no one is invited

I spent the entire day in my room. Alone. Only my laptop, a book, and my phone to keep me company. I rarely have the luxury of solitude so when I do, I make the most out of it because there's nothing like the feeling of having time on your hands and being able to waste it anyway that pleases you. I'm rarely alone these days and sometimes I get caught up with everything - school work, the drama, the boyfriend - that I forget to stop and take a break. I'm curious why other people hate being alone when I find the loneliness so tempting and inviting. I must admit though, I'm scared to be alone sometimes. Not like alone in a dark alley scared but scared of what I'd do to myself (not physically, I'm not that kind of person), rather what my thoughts would do to me. It's crazy up there, especially right now, what with all the pressure my constant quest to please everybody brings.

I just need people to understand that there are times I don't wanna talk, that I don't reply to texts or calls and not take them the wrong way and not push me. These are the times I get pissed of easily and act irrationally. And that they should take these as cues that I want to be left alone to wallow in my sometimes dangerous thoughts.